I
f you are you tired of feeling like a victim, read this: 'I don't want to feel this way anymore. I thought if my pain touched their lives I'd feel better. I didn't. I thought by holding it over their heads I'd feel better. I didn't. I thought by telling everyone what they'd done to me I'd feel better. I didn't; it only cost me friends and kept the pain alive.
I thought if they acknowledged how wrong they've been I'd feel better. They didn't, so I felt worse. I thought if I could understand why I pick such relationships I'd feel better. So I read books and talked with counsellors. But that didn't work, because then I uncovered other issues I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with.
I thought time would make me feel better. It helped, but it didn't heal, because there were still too many things that triggered old memories. I thought by moving to a new house in a new city and getting a new job I'd feel better. I didn't; I only changed addresses, not what was going on inside me.
Finally, I did two things that worked; not overnight, but gradually, patiently, consistently as I kept doing them, they worked.
First, I decided to forgive - and keep forgiving until the past no longer controlled me.
Second, I cried out to God, "Turn... me, and I shall be turned." He answered my prayer. My perceptions began to clear and my heart began to heal. Why? Because at last, getting well meant more, so much more to me than remaining a victim.'
