Reprogramme Your Mind

"Let God transform the way you think" - Romans 12:2 NLT

Behind everything you do, there's a thought! So if you're serious about changing your life, you must change how you think. That's not easy, and it doesn't happen instantly. Picture yourself in a boat with the automatic pilot set to go in a certain direction, then you suddenly decide to go somewhere else.

First option: willpower. Grab the wheel and force it to go where you want; by sheer willpower, overcome the autopilot. But you'll feel constant resistance. Your arms will get tired, and when you let go of the wheel, guess what? The boat will go the way it's programmed to go. Get the idea? That's what happens when you try to change your life through willpower: 'I'll force myself to quit drinking, cheating, or overeating', and so on. Your willpower can only produce short-term change, but it creates constant stress because you haven't dealt with the root cause and reprogrammed your mind. The change doesn't feel natural so eventually you give up, revert to your old patterns and say, 'I guess this is just the way I am. I'll never change.' 

Second option: God's power. There is a better way! The Bible says, '... Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.' Change always begins in your mind! The way you think determines the way you feel, and the way you feel determines the way you act. You say, 'How can I change the way I think?' By programming your mind each day with God's Word. 'How can a... man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word' (Psalm 119:9 NKJV).

Insights Into Ageing (5)

"The fear of the Lord adds length to life" - Proverbs 10:27 NIV

Our culture venerates rock stars and sports figures, yet often marginalises its most knowledgeable and seasoned people. How foolish! As God's family we should treat one another according to His values. Consider how He wants us to regard our aged.

First, we must honour them: '... Show respect for the elderly and revere your God... ' (Leviticus 19:32 NIV). Notice, it's a commandment, not an option. Failing to respect the elderly is failing to respect God; it bears the divine, not the cultural signature! So remember it and teach it to your children. 'A grey head is a crown of glory; it is found in the way of righteousness' (Proverbs 16:31 NAS). 

Second, we must encourage them. Encouraging them doesn't mean patronising, babying and doing everything for them. These behaviours destroy their dignity and disempower them. Encouraging them means believing in their God-given abilities and emphasising their positive, productive qualities. It means motivating them to stay involved in significant service, not just busying them with meaningless and humiliating mundane tasks.

. They feel like they're making a difference when their skills and wisdom are recognised. Third, we must support them. This includes financial and material assistance offered according to practical, biblical guidelines (1 Timothy 5:1-16). Failing here means we've '... denied the faith and [are] worse than an unbeliever' (v. 8 NKJV). Support means including them as a vital part of our family and church activities. Supporting them also requires that we regularly talk to God about them and their needs.

Insights Into Ageing (4)

"The fear of the Lord adds length to life" - Proverbs 10:27 NIV

Don't let fear dominate your later years. Don't let life's 'unknowables', such as finances, health, loneliness, loss of friends and family members, get you down. The Bible says, '... You do not know the path of the wind... how bones are formed in the womb... you do not know the activity of God... ' (Ecclesiastes 11:5 NAS). 

There's much in life you'll never know, yet God has brought you this far! So, 'Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do... He's the one who will keep you on track. 

Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God... Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life... ' (Proverbs 3:5-8 TM). It's who, not what, you know that will prosper and protect you all of your days. Put the unknown into God's hand and trust Him with your worries. 'Sow your seed in the morning [your youthful years] and do not be idle in the evening [your older years]' because your evening and your morning sowing 'will succeed... both of them... ' (Ecclesiastes 11:6 NAS). 

Activate, don't vegetate! And decide to rejoice every day. General MacArthur said, 'Years may wrinkle the skin, but giving up interest wrinkles the soul. When the wires are down and your heart is covered with the snows of pessimism and icy cynicism, then and only then, have you grown old.' Determine to add joy to the gift of long life. 'Indeed, if a man should live many years, let him rejoice in them all... ' (Ecclesiastes 11:8 NAS).

Insights Into Ageing (3)

"The fear of the Lord adds length to life" - Proverbs 10:27 NIV

 Ageing well requires that you stay flexible. The Bible says, '... Clouds always bring rain; trees always stay wherever they fall. If you worry about the weather and don't plant seeds, you won't harvest a crop' (Ecclesiastes 11:3-4 CEV). Certain things are inevitable in life. Clouds bring the rain. Trees fall in a storm. Like the weather, circumstances arise that you can't control. 

Hazard-free living is a myth; every undertaking entails risk. 'If you dig a pit, you might fall in; if you break down a wall, a snake might bite you. You could even get hurt by... chopping a log' (Ecclesiastes 10:8-9 CEV). You say, 'At my age, I play it safe and take no chances.' Avoiding risk guarantees missing what God has for you just ahead.

 So how can you enjoy the final years of your life? Don't avoid; rather, adjust, adapt and advance. But be practical; pace yourself! What if things take longer to do than when you were younger? Yes, your energy level may require more frequent breaks, but your advanced years allow you more time and less hurry than your frantic past. 

Slow down; embrace this opportunity to accomplish things you've never attempted. In his eighties, Rubinstein amazed audiences with his piano-playing skills. Gladstone became Britain's Prime Minister for the fourth time in his eighties. John Wesley preached every day aged 88. Moses led Israel at 120. Caleb led his troops against an army of giants at 80, and won. Two-thirds of the world's greatest works of art were accomplished by people over 65. Don't let a little rain, a falling tree or a possible risk stop you.

Insights Into Ageing (2)

"The fear of the Lord adds length to life" - Proverbs 10:27 NIV

The secret of ageing well is staying young at heart, staying close to God, and staying fully engaged with life. The mirror isn't your problem; how you see yourself is. Have you noticed how 'young' some older people are, and how 'old' their peers seem? Seeking the elusive fountain of youth isn't the answer, nor is surrendering to time and fate. Rather, do these two things. First, be realistic! 

Nothing is sillier than a woman made up to recreate what she hasn't been for decades - except an older man in an unbuttoned shirt flashing jewellery intended to recreate the macho image of a lost youth. When you are comfortable with your age and stage of life, others will be too. Solomon points out that age decreases vigour, dims vision, slackens muscles, stiffens joints, whitens hair, and so on (Ecclesiastes 12:1-5 TM). 

Vitamins, exercise and a good attitude help, but you must be realistic in order to handle ageing with dignity. Second, keep giving. 'Be generous; invest in acts of charity. Charity yields high returns. Don't hoard your goods; spread them around. Be a blessing to others... ' (Ecclesiastes 11:1-2 TM). 

Don't stop investing your energy and resources into God's kingdom because you think it's time for the young folk to take over. If you do that loneliness and depression will set in, and illness and death soon follow. When you shut the door, draw the curtains and isolate yourself, you're old at any age. But when you stay in the mainstream, give yourself to God and others, you'll stay young all your life!

Insights Into Ageing (1)

"The fear of the Lord adds length to life" - Proverbs 10:27 NIV

When asked about the benefits of living to be 100 years old, one centenarian smiled and said, 'There's very little peer pressure.' Thanks to medical science we're living to our eighties, nineties and beyond. But living longer means dealing with the realities of ageing. Our youth-orientated culture often gives old age a bad image, but clearly God doesn't agree. 

To Him, old age is the reward for a life well-lived, a privilege earned, an accomplishment worth celebrating, and wisdom shared to benefit succeeding generations. For the next few days let's observe some things about ageing.

Note how God sees ageing. He views long life as evidence of His favour. He says, '... Through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life' (Proverbs 9:11 NIV). Longevity, with all its aches and pains, is a blessing. 'The fear of the Lord adds length to life, but the years of the wicked are cut short.' You say, 'But who will take care of me when I get old?' Don't worry, God will be there for you: '... "I have cared for you since you were born... I will be your God throughout your lifetime - until your hair is white with age... I will care for you"... ' (Isaiah 46:3-4 NLT). 

What an insurance policy! Is there proof that He does? Yes, ask the Psalmist. 'Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned or their children begging for bread' (Psalm 37:25 NLT).

Are You Feeling Like A Victim?

"Turn me, and I shall be turned" - Jeremiah 31:18 KJV

I

f you are you tired of feeling like a victim, read this: 'I don't want to feel this way anymore. I thought if my pain touched their lives I'd feel better. I didn't. I thought by holding it over their heads I'd feel better. I didn't. I thought by telling everyone what they'd done to me I'd feel better. I didn't; it only cost me friends and kept the pain alive. 

I thought if they acknowledged how wrong they've been I'd feel better. They didn't, so I felt worse. I thought if I could understand why I pick such relationships I'd feel better. So I read books and talked with counsellors. But that didn't work, because then I uncovered other issues I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with.

I thought time would make me feel better. It helped, but it didn't heal, because there were still too many things that triggered old memories. I thought by moving to a new house in a new city and getting a new job I'd feel better. I didn't; I only changed addresses, not what was going on inside me. 

Finally, I did two things that worked; not overnight, but gradually, patiently, consistently as I kept doing them, they worked.

First, I decided to forgive - and keep forgiving until the past no longer controlled me. 

Second, I cried out to God, "Turn... me, and I shall be turned." He answered my prayer. My perceptions began to clear and my heart began to heal. Why? Because at last, getting well meant more, so much more to me than remaining a victim.'

Don't Fall In Love With It

"Live as temporary residents on earth" - 1 Peter 1:17 GWT

 The fact that this world is not our ultimate home explains why we experience difficulty, disappointment and rejection. It also explains why some promises seem unfulfilled, some prayers unanswered, and some circumstances unfair. 

This life is not the end of the story! In order to keep us from becoming too attached to this world, God allows us to feel a certain amount of discontent - longings that will never be fulfilled this side of heaven. We're not completely happy here because we're not supposed to be! Indeed, we won't be in heaven two seconds before we'll look around and say, 'Why did I place such importance on earthly things?' 

The truth is, at death you don't leave home, you go home! Imagine being an ambassador in a hostile nation. You would have to learn its language and adapt to its customs. You couldn't isolate yourself. To fulfil your mission you'd have to understand what's going on and know how to relate to those around you. But what if you fell in love with that country, preferring it to your own? Your loyalty and commitment would be compromised. Instead of representing your country, you'd start acting like a traitor. 

The Bible says, '... We are Christ's ambassadors... ' (2 Corinthians 5:20 NLT). So don't get too attached to what's around you, because it's temporary. 'Those who use the things of the world should not become attached to them. For this world as we know it will soon pass away' (1 Corinthians 7:31 NLT). So use it, maximise it to fulfil God's purposes, but don't fall in love with it!

A Better Tomorrow

"To bestow beauty instead of ashes" - Isaiah 61:3 NIV

The Chinese have an interesting symbol for the word 'crisis'; it indicates both danger and opportunity. When the stakes are high and the outcome in doubt, purpose can emerge from pain like beauty from ashes. But real healing can't begin until you face the facts and express your pain. That means doing what David did: taking it to God. 'How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?... '

(Psalm 13:2 NIV). Just as lancing a boil is a necessary first step to healing, facing the truth is the first step towards becoming whole. Those who grow through a crisis learn which hopes, dreams and expectations were violated by the event. They identify where the repair work is needed, then they develop a road map for the future. At first you will feel as if 'nothing will ever be the same again'. That's normal. You may have to make adjustments in how you work, where you spend your leisure time, and how you relate to your family and friends. It's the nature of a crisis to destabilise your world. But it also forces you to reach deep within yourself and find hidden strength you didn't know existed. 

You may not feel courageous or hopeful right now, but that doesn't mean those things aren't there waiting to be tapped. Even though you don't feel strong today, you can draw strength from the One who is. 'The Lord is my Rock, my Fortress, and my Deliverer; my God... in Whom I will trust... ' (Psalm 18:2 AMP). Face it. Find God in it. Follow Him, and He will give you a better tomorrow.

Pray For God's Favour (2)

"Find favour in the sight of God and man" - Proverbs 3:4 NKJV

To see God's favour at work, examine the life of Joseph. 'Now Israel [Jacob] loved Joseph more than all his children... he made him a [coat] of many colours. But when his brothers saw that their father loved him... they hated him... Now Joseph had a dream, and he told it to his brothers; and they hated him even more' (Genesis 37:3-5 NKJV). 

Notice two things in this story. First, God's favour is a gift, not a reward because you're better than others. Never apologise for God's blessing on your life, but never wear it as a badge of superiority. Paul asks, '... What do you have that you did not receive?' (1 Corinthians 4:7 NKJV). Answer, nothing! So keep that in mind and live with an attitude of gratitude. 

Second, walking in God's favour requires great wisdom. Joseph's brothers said, '... "Look, this dreamer is coming... let us now kill him and... see what will become of his dreams!"' (Genesis 37:18-20 NKJV). It's a mistake to share your dream with those who are incapable of appreciating it. 

Openly, they may rejoice with you, but secretly they'll resent you. The Prodigal's older brother wasn't upset that his younger brother was starving in a foreign pig pen. What he couldn't handle was his homecoming celebration. King Saul rejoiced when David killed Goliath. What he couldn't handle were people saying, '... 

"Saul has killed his thousands, [but] David his ten thousands!"' (1 Samuel 18:7 NLT). Jesus had strong words on this subject: '"Do not... cast your pearls before swine"... ' (Matthew 7:6 NKJV). So use wisdom, speak only when the time is right, seek to please God, and you'll walk in His favour.

Pray For God's Favour (1)

"Find favour in the sight of God and man" - Proverbs 3:4 NKJV

o fulfil your God-given assignment in life you will need God's favour! How did Joseph go from being a lowly inmate to running the whole prison system? '... The Lord was with Joseph... and He gave him favour in the sight of the keeper of the prison... whatever he did, the Lord made it prosper' (Genesis 39:21-23 NKJV). 

Why did King Ahasuerus choose a Jewish slave girl named Esther to be his queen? '... She obtained grace and favour in his sight... so he set the royal crown upon her head... ' (Esther 2:17 NKJV). How did Samuel go from being a custodian in the temple to being a prophetic voice of the nation? '... Samuel grew... in favour both with the Lord and men' (1 Samuel 2:26 NKJV). What did all these favoured people have in common?

First, they gave their best effort. They excelled at what God gave them to do, and when the time came He promoted them. 

Second, they put others first. David served King Saul even though he was a ruthless boss. Ruth worked to support her widowed mother-in-law Naomi, while Naomi's other daughter-in-law Orpah thought only of herself. 

Third, they sought guidance and had a teachable spirit. God answered Ruth's request by giving her Naomi, the right mentor, Boaz, the right boss, and making sure she got into the right field (Ruth 2:2-3). 

God's favour will connect you to the right people and get you to the right place. When your chosen field is the field God has chosen for you, you can't help but be blessed in it. No, you won't be exempt from trials, but you'll succeed in what you're called to do.

Support Your Spouse!

"The heart of her husband safely trusts her" - Proverbs 31:11 NKJV

The poet wrote, 'Love in your heart is not put there to stay. Love isn't love, till you give it away.' We can be rejected by many, as long as we can come home and be loved by one. At times life will beat you down, so make your home a sanctuary. Here's a story to help you do that.

He'd finally decided to ask his employer for a pay rise. Before leaving for work he told his wife about it. All day long she felt apprehensive. Finally, late in the afternoon he summoned the courage to approach his boss. To his delight he got the pay rise. Elated, he arrived home to a beautiful table set with their best china and lighted candles. 

Smelling the aroma of a specially prepared meal, he guessed that somebody from the office had called his wife and tipped her off. Finding her in the kitchen he shared the good news. They embraced before sitting down to a wonderful meal. Next to his plate he found a note that read, 'Congratulations! I knew you'd get the pay rise. This dinner is to show how much I love you.' 

Later, on his way to the kitchen to help his wife serve dessert, he noticed a second card that had fallen from her pocket. Picking it up off the floor he read, 'Don't worry about not getting the pay rise. You deserve it anyway. This dinner is to show you how much I love you.' Acceptance! Love! She stood behind him no matter what - softening the blows, healing the wounds, believing in him. So the word for you today is - support your spouse!

Reach For Others

"Why have [You] laid the burden on me?" - Numbers 11:11 NKJV

Some of us know how to give, but not receive. As a result we fail to reach our growth potential or accomplish what God planned for us. Somebody within your reach right now knows something you need to know; something you'll never discover on your own. Get close to them and draw water from their well. It's pride that keeps us weak. Weak people don't reach for others, wise people do. 

Moses asked God, '... "Why... have [You] laid the burden of all these people on me?"' God said, 'I didn't, you took it on yourself.' Then He instructed Moses, '... "Gather... seventy men... whom you know to be elders... Then... I will take of the Spirit that is upon you and will put the same upon them; and they shall bear the burden of the people with you"... ' (Numbers 11:16-17 NKJV).

A newspaper carried the story of a woman who fell asleep behind the wheel and plunged her car through a safety rail on the motorway. It dangled precariously, 60 feet in the air. Motorists stopped, grabbed ropes, tied them to the back of the woman's car and hung on till the emergency units arrived. A ladder was extended from below to help stabilise the car while fire-fighters chained the vehicle to tow trucks. 

Every time her car moved she screamed. It took over two hours for passers-by, the motorway patrol, tow-truck drivers and fire-fighters - about 25 people in all - to pull her to safety. The fire captain at the scene said later, 'It was funny. She kept shouting, "I'll do it myself!"'' Are you like that? If you want to enjoy God's best, reach for others!

Become God's Friend (6)

"I have called you friends" - John 15:15 NKJV

David desired to know God above all else. He used words like longing, yearning, thirsting and hungering. 'I ask only one thing of the Lord. This is what I want: Let me live in the Lord's house all my life.' (Psalm 27:4 NCV). Again he said, 'Your love means more than life to me... ' (Psalm 63:3 CEV). Jacob's desire was so intense that he wrestled with God all night, saying, '... "I will not let you go unless you bless me"' (Genesis 32:26 NIV). 

And the amazing thing is, God, who is all powerful, let Jacob win. Why? Because wrestling requires personal contact; it brings us close to Him. Paul was another man who was passionate about his friendship with God. '... [My determined purpose is]... [that I may... become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him]... ' (Philippians 3:10 AMP). 

You say, 'I'd like to have a closer relationship with God, but I'm so busy.' The truth is, you are as close to God as you desire and discipline yourself to be! Friendship with God must become your passion. You must intentionally seek it. That means answering questions like, 'Do I value it more than anything else? Is it worth giving up other things for? Is it worth developing the habits and skills required? 

Am I willing to say, 'Lord, more than anything else, I want to know You'?' God's answer to that prayer has always been: '... "When you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed"' (Jeremiah 29:13-14 TM).

Become God's Friend (5)

"I have called you friends" - John 15:15 NKJV

If you're serious about becoming God's friend you must choose to obey Him! Jesus said, '"If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love"... ' (v. 10 NKJV). You say, 'But if I fail, does that mean God won't love me?' No, it means you won't feel His love, or have confidence when you approach Him in prayer. 

We normally think of obedience as a characteristic of our relationship to a parent, a boss or a superior officer, not a friend. But Jesus said, '"You are My friends if you do whatever I command you"' (v. 14 NKJV). True friendship isn't passive, it acts. 

When Jesus asks us to love people, help the needy, give our finances, live clean lives, extend forgiveness and bring others to Him - our love should motivate us to obey immediately! Great opportunities usually come once or twice in a lifetime, but small ones come every day. Through simple acts of obedience we bring a smile to God's face. '... 

 "What pleases the Lord more... sacrifices or obedience... It is better to obey"... ' (1 Samuel 15:22 NCV). At the beginning of Jesus' public ministry, God announced, '... "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased."' (Matthew 3:17 NKJV). So, what had Jesus been doing for 30 years that pleased God? The Bible says nothing except that He lived at home with His parents and '... was obedient to them' (Luke 2:51 NLT). Thirty years of pleasing God were summed up in two words: 'lived obediently'! And the relationship Jesus had with His Father is an example of the one He wants you to have with Him.

Become God's Friend (4)

"I have called you friends" - John 15:15 NKJV

Another step in developing your friendship with God is choosing to be honest with Him! God doesn't expect you to be perfect, but He does expect you to be honest. If perfection was a requirement not one of us would qualify. In the Bible, God's friends were honest about their feelings - sometimes even complaining and arguing with Him - yet He didn't seem to mind. In fact, He encouraged it. God listened patiently to David's accusations of unfairness, betrayal and abandonment. 

He didn't zap Jeremiah for claiming God had tricked him. Job was allowed to vent his bitterness and God actually defended him for being honest. On the other hand, He rebuked Job's friends for faking it: '... "You haven't been honest either with me or about me - not the way my friend Job has... My friend Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer"' (Job 42:7 TM). 

To be God's friend you must share your true feelings with Him, not what you think you ought to feel or say. Until you understand that God uses everything for good in our lives, you'll harbour resentment towards Him over your looks, your nationality, your economic background, your unanswered prayers, your past hurts, and the things you'd change if you were God. 

Actually, revealing your feelings and releasing your resentments to Him are the first steps to becoming spiritually whole. Isn't it encouraging to know that God's closest friends felt just like we do, but instead of masking their feelings in pious clichés they voiced them openly? Why? Because expressing them leads to healing and a deeper level of intimacy with Him.

Become God's Friend (3)

"I have called you friends" - John 15:15 NKJV

Friendship with God is maintained and strengthened through continual meditation. It's impossible to be God's friend apart from knowing what He says. You can't love God unless you know Him, and that's only possible through the Bible. '... He revealed himself to Samuel through his word' (1 Samuel 3:21 NIV). 

Now you can't spend all day studying the Bible, but you can think about it throughout the day, recalling verses you've read, mulling over them in your mind. Meditation isn't some mysterious ritual, it's simply focused thinking - a skill anybody can learn. When you think about a problem over and over, that's called worry. When you think about God's Word over and over, that's called meditation. If you know how to worry, you know how to meditate. Just switch your attention from the problem to the solution! The more you meditate on God's Word the less you'll have to worry about. 

The more time you spend meditating on the Scriptures the more you'll understand their secrets. The Psalmist said, 'The Friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant' (Psalm 25:14 ESV). After Jesus told His disciples, '... "I have called you friends"... ', He went on to say, '... "I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you"' (John 15:16 NKJV). The benefits of friendship with God include abundant living and answered prayer. So if you want to become God's friend, read, digest and meditate in His Word.

Become God's Friend (2)

"I have called you friends" - John 15:15 NKJV

In his book The Practice of the Presence of God, a French monk called Brother Lawrence suggests we pray short conversational prayers throughout the day rather than long, complex ones. To maintain our focus and counteract our wandering thoughts, he writes, 'I do not advise you to use a great multitude of words in prayer, since long discourses are often occasions for wandering.' 

What great insight! In the age of attention deficit disorder (ADD) this centuries-old suggestion to 'keep it simple' still works. Paul writes, '... Pray all the time... ' (1 Thessalonians 5:17 TM). 'But how can I do that?' you ask. One way is to use 'breath prayers', as many of the great saints and writers have done through the ages. 

You choose a simple phrase that can be repeated in one breath: 'Lord, You are with me'; 'I am depending on You'; 'I want to know You better'; 'Help me to trust You more'. You can also use short phrases of Scripture: 'For me to live is Christ'; 'You will never leave me'; 'You will supply all my needs'. 

Repeat it until it's rooted deeply in your heart and begins to reflect in your attitude and actions. This is a skill, a habit you can develop. Just as musicians practise their scales every day in order to play well, you can discipline yourself to think about God at different times in your day. 'But sometimes I don't feel God's presence,' you say. If you're seeking an emotion, you've missed the point. Your goal is not a feeling, but a continual awareness that God is always with you!

Become God's Friend (1)

"I have called you friends" - John 15:15 NKJV

Jesus told His disciples, '"No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you."' 

Notice, Jesus initiated this friendship. With full knowledge of their problems and their possibilities, Jesus said, '... "I have called you friends"... ' Amazing! In royal courts the servants must keep their distance, but the inner circle enjoys close contact, direct access and confidential information. 

How can you become a friend of God? Through constant conversation. God wants to be included in every activity. You can carry on a conversation with Him throughout your day, talking about whatever you're doing at that moment. Brother Lawrence, a humble cook in a French monastery, writes, 'The key to friendship with God is not changing what you do, but changing your attitude towards what you do. 

What you normally do for yourself you now begin doing for God, whether it is eating, bathing, relaxing or taking out the rubbish.' Some of us think we must 'get away' in order to experience intimacy with God. That's because we haven't learned to recognise and cultivate His presence in all things. 

No place is closer to God than where you are right now! In Eden there were no rituals - just a simple relationship between God and those He created. Unhindered by guilt or fear, they delighted in Him and He delighted in them. 'Is such a relationship possible?' you ask. Absolutely. '... Our friendship with God was restored by the death of His son... ' (Romans 5:10 NLT).

Practising Hospitality

"Be hospitable to one another without grumbling." - 1 Peter 4:9 NKJV

There's a story about a family who had the pastor over for dinner, and Mum asked their five-year-old to say grace. Puzzled, the child asked, 'What should I say?' Her mum replied, 'Just say what you've heard me say.' So, bowing her head, the little girl prayed, 'Dear God, why on earth did I invite the pastor over to dinner?' 

Let's be honest, hospitality is hard work. It involves sacrifice. And you are to 'do it ungrudgingly (cordially and graciously... without complaining... as representing Him)' (AMP). Who are you representing? God! That puts a new slant on it, doesn't it? Paul writes, '[Make a habit of]... hospitality' (Romans 12:13 NAS). 

Peter writes, 'Be hospitable... with brotherly affection for... unknown guests... foreigners, the poor, and all others' (AMP). So, have you had any unknown guests, foreigners or poor folks over to dinner lately? A man conducting a church survey wrote to a nationally syndicated advice columnist, 'Of almost 200 churches I visited, I was spoken to in only one by someone other than an "official greeter" - and that was to tell me I was sitting in their seat!' It's easy to extend hospitality to people you know, but Jesus said, '... If all you do is love the lovable... Anybody can do that... ' (Matthew 5:46 TM). 

So, how about those you don't know? Those who don't fit in your social circle? Yes, you can find excuses - you're too busy, you don't want to get involved, and you're uncomfortable around strangers. But God says you represent Him, and that means sacrificing your personal agenda, giving of your time and money, going out on a limb for people you don't know or even like, and seeing others through God's eyes. That's practising hospitality!

How To Be Married And Happy! (4)

"... Relish life with the spouse you love each and every day... " - Ecclesiastes 9:9 TM

Marital happiness requires an environment of unselfishness. Two people deciding to live out what Jesus taught in His Sermon on the Mount will find happiness together. Each beatitude (what our attitude should be) begins with the word 'blessed', which means 'happy'. 

True happiness is found in humility, a readiness to repent, gentleness, patience, being unassuming, loving what's right and just, pureheartedness, and peacemaking. These are the qualities that make a marriage go the distance. And notice, they're the opposite of selfishness! 

An un-crucified self is the worst possible marriage material. The wedding ring symbolises unending commitment, but unless it is superimposed over the cross, the symbol of death to self, there can be no lasting marital happiness. Self will put an end to love; love will put an end to self. Marriage is the ultimate invitation to growth in unselfishness. 

Living with another imperfect person pushes us to mature, mellow and master the art of relationship-enhancing self-denial. Paul writes, '... Love deeply; practise playing second fiddle' (Romans 12:10 TM). The test of a loving relationship lies in putting our partner's needs before our own. Asking 'Whose good am I seeking in my handling of this situation?' reveals our real heart attitude, prompting us to put our partner first. 

Deliberately deferring to them applies the cross to self and the flesh, and promotes our marriage. The more self dies, the more our relationship lives! '... a grain of wheat must fall to the ground and die to make many seeds. But if it never dies, it remains only a single seed' (John 12:24 NCV).

How To Be Married And Happy! (3)

"... Relish life with the spouse you love each and every day... " - Ecclesiastes 9:9 TM

Contentment is the key to a happy marriage. When asked what makes us contented in marriage, we inevitably point to things our partner does, or their characteristics, that please us. When asked what makes us discontented, we indicate what they do, or are, that displeases us. 

We focus on what's right or wrong about them, making ourselves happy or unhappy. But contentment is an inside job! It's how we react to others. Our attitude is the real issue. The problem's not what we see or hear, it's how we see or hear it: '... 

The eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear... with hearing' (Ecclesiastes 1:8 NAS). The eye and ear - our perceptions - are the culprits. That's why God says, '... be content with such things as ye have... ' (Hebrews 13:5 KJV). We must choose to see things differently, in ways that don't make us unhappy. 

The controls are in our hands, not our partner's! Contentment is a choice. '... I have learned... to be content' (Philippians 4:11 KJV). We learn contentment by considering how much harder others have it, asking God how He wants us to use our challenges and lacks for our growth and our partner's growth, and - remembering Erma Bombeck's advice - 'The grass usually looks greener over someone else's septic system'. 

Benjamin Franklin said of marriage, 'Keep your eyes wide open beforehand, and half shut afterwards'. Finally, we can learn contentment by praying for the courage to change what we can (especially our own attitude), the grace to accept what we cannot (most things are acceptable when we stop resenting them), and the wisdom to know the difference.

How To Be Married And Happy! (2)

"... Relish life with the spouse you love each and every day... " - Ecclesiastes 9:9 TM

To be married and happy you must understand that love is a choice, not a sensation. The old Righteous Brothers' song 'You've Lost That Loving Feeling' may make your toes tap but it won't make your marriage work. 'Feeling' is the fruit, 'doing' is the root. 

Your will is where the solution begins. God wouldn't have commanded, 'Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church... ' (Ephesians 5:25 NKJV) or '... teach the young women... to love their husbands... ' (Titus 2:4 NCV) if love was a feeling and not an act of your will. When the will leads, the feelings follow. So let's correct four misconceptions about love. 

First, its foundation is not emotion, personality, beauty or sex - in other words, sources of pleasure. These things don't bring lasting happiness. What's needed is commitment, character and a Christ-like disposition. 

Second, think you can't love your partner? Check with God. 'We love because He first loved us' (1 John 4:19 NIV). If you're loved by God, you've got love to give, because '... love comes from God... ' (1 John 4:7 NIV). You don't have to initiate it; just give what has been given to you!

Third, think you've 'run out' of love? No, you've just abandoned the source: 'God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us' (Romans 5:5 NIV). Tank up on the Spirit's supply and you'll have lots of love to give! 

Finally, investing yourself in your partner causes even a dead love to live again. '... where your treasure is (invested), is the place you will most want to be... ' (Matthew 6:21 TM).

How To Be Married And Happy! (1)

"... Relish life with the spouse you love each and every day... " - Ecclesiastes 9:9 TM

Counsellors reckon that less than 25 per cent of marriages today are truly happy. What does it take to be one of them? Thinking about marriage in God's terms, not selfish terms. From God's perspective, happiness in marriage depends on distinguishing fact from fiction. The world of movie magic creates unrealistic expectations.
To 'relish life with the spouse you love each and every day', you must re-examine your thinking. Every marriage is made up of two flawed people: 'For all have sinned and fall short... ' (Romans 3:23 NIV). That includes you and your partner. It's not that we don't know this, it's that we keep forgetting it, or hoping we're the exception to the rule.
Expecting perfection is naïve and will keep undermining your relationship. Happiness in marriage depends on coming to terms with your mutual defects and dealing with them realistically. Recognise fiction; deal with facts - especially in certain vulnerable areas. For example, finances. Practise tithing, generosity, delayed gratification, and fiscal discipline.
Second, personal appearance. Always try to look your best, but accept unchangeable features - both yours and your partner's. Ageing is God's idea, so accept it with dignity and become wiser with it. Third, lifestyle. Happiness is about comfort and contentment, not materialism and pride that lead to crushing indebtedness.

Then, courtesy. Small kindnesses, considerate acts and words are low-cost, high-yield investments. Finally, physical satisfaction. The greatest satisfaction results from providing satisfaction for your partner. Self-focus, manipulation and demanding your way can never match God's unfailing system: 'Give, and it shall be given unto you... ' (Luke 6:38 KJV)